Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Fear and Loathing

*apologies in advance if this post seems bitter and hostile, I'm just a bit stressed out still*

The last few days have made me much more keenly aware of certain things that separate me from other people.  Every sympathetic comment, every small consideration given to accomodate me in my injured state is like a tiny jab, a message saying "Fuck you - we don't get it".  This pain and difficulty is not actually any worse than the suffering I go through every day: every time I walk down a flight of stairs, when I go grocery shopping, when I perform on the weekends, when I go the the kitchen to get a glass of water - all the time.  Thinking that a broken foot matters means that you don't understand me at all.

It's hard for me to accept it when people tell me that something is impossible, or too difficult, or not worth the effort.  If I were to decide that as easily as everyone else does, I probably would have just layed down on the floor at about age 3 and never attempted to move again.

So if sometimes I seem a little unsympathetic when speaking in the abstract about things, or that I dream too big and set unrealistic goals - the reason is that I have to be this way just to be out of bed and talking to you, not that I don't care about other peoples problems or that I am out of touch with what is possible.

*end of rant*

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