On August 12th, 2009 the life I had chosen ended. After a decade together, madly in love, I was unable to sleep and my wife died in her sleep. I'm still waiting to hear from the medical examiner whether the 'official' cause of death is heart attack or accidental morphine overdose, but whatever the details, an important point to note is that she had been unsure of whether or not to continue living, due to her constantly worsening pain, due to spinal arthritis, kidney stones, gall stones, lack of teeth, etc. and despite the tradgedy of losing her, at least now she can finally be free of the agony of this life, instead forever dancing through dreams.
Today I am beginning this blog as part of my personal way of coping with this loss. For many years I have put off and avoided expressing myself in most ways, particulary shunning writing for public consumption, largely due to fear of how people might react if I starting telling the truth in print - my life has never been something that might be described as normal or even acceptable by many people.
So now here I am, finally speaking my mind, and I can't help wondering if I should stop or keep pushing on and pouring out more of myself. I think I ought to stop soon, in order to give this opening post some sort of conclusion, and hopefully suggesting some sort of direction and structure to this collection of musings.
I intend to post here daily, in order to force myself to form actual opinions and to share them, rather than quietly sitting off in a corner trying to avoid all potential conflict with anyone for any reason. I think this will be theraputic for me but I'm really not sure what's in it for you. Perhaps wisdom, probably madness, frequent danger and always nothing. Boo!
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